ernest hemingway

"walking across the square to the hotel everything looked new and changed. i had never seen the trees before. i had never seen the flagpoles before, nor the front of the theater. it was all different. i felt as i felt once coming home from an out-of-town football game. i was carrying a suitcase with my football things in it, and i walked up the street from the station in the town i had lived in all my life and it was all new. they were raking the lawns and burning leaves in the road, and i stopped for a long time and watched. it was all strange. then i went on, and my feet seemed to be a long way off, and everything seemed to come from a long way off, and i could hear my feet walking a great distance away. i had been kicked in the head early in the game. it was like that crossing the square. it was like that going up the stairs in the hotel."

i am having the best winter break. if i'm not out & about with lovely people then i'm in reading great books.

shameless reference to trash tv

according to an old episode of the o.c., the way you spend new years eve is the way you will spend the rest of the year. yeah, no pressure.

big bear lake

intense weekend in the mountains. i snowboarded until i could snowboard no more. i laughed until i had tears in my eyes. (jessica!!!) we left early on monday to avoid a pending snow storm, but that last morning particularly stands out in my memories. a pristine bleakness washed over the entirety of big bear lake, as the water mirrored the grey skies and the morning gave way to a strange stillness. i don't think my words are doing it any justice, but i don't have any pictures so my words will have to suffice i guess.

anyways, i am temporarily bedridden. everything neck down hurts like a mofo.

dear santa

i need this. but they're not selling it anymore because it's only on VHS! grandma killed santa for me when i caught her stuffing my stocking at the age of five, but, you know, if santa was real... this is what i'd ask for, along with the alexander wang fall 2008 collection. i don't think it too outlandish a request! :)

ps i'm well aware that this topic has been exhausted already, but finals suck ass.

strange dream

i had a dream last night in which i attempted suicide. i don't remember how i tried to do it, all i know is that i was in an intensely white hospital. my mom was next to me, sobbing and asking me why i had done it and whether or not i'll do it again. i said, quite lethargically, that i didn't know.

i don't know where this is all stemming from and i'm not suicidal (don't worry); i just thought it was worth writing down. seems like my dreams are either extremely mundane or extremely unsettling, never pleasant. last summer i had a series of dreams in which i was always lost or in search of something. i never did have one where i found what i was looking for.