malaise

maybe it's just the fact that it's 4:40 am or my general lack of sleep this past week. maybe it's the ambivalence and anxiety that comes with traveling to a place you feel utterly foreign in. most likely it has to do with some recent events. i don't entirely know what it is, but i am in such a strange mood right now. malaise is a good word.

i've certainly had my fair share of mishaps and fuck ups. most days i am okay with that. other days i contemplate and honestly am not sure what to think about myself. i'm exploring in every sense of the word, which is fine with me - i would probably be doing myself an injustice if i wasn't - but i hope i'm heading in the right direction.