cold october

arabic all day and arabic all night. slow but sure progress. the more i learn the more i want to keep learning. this is a photo by shirin neshat.

whenever things go awry i fall back on the principle of self-efficacy. i do not need you.

3809

two weeks of debauchery and mayhem. time to settle down and get some actual shit done. other than that though i love my classes and i love my suite. the year's just getting started.

first week

i did not care about the uc budget crisis until my middle eastern professor proclaimed, "higher education is every person's birth right."

much love to academia.

arabic is very tough. my short term memory is worse than i thought... as of now all i can say is "my name is...," "good morning," and "yes." i also know the first four letters of the arabic alphabet... these minute fragments of knowledge took me a total of two hours. i am brilliant.

also, i got a job at the art history department. basically i scan art slides, extract images from art books and update professors' websites. easy peasy stuff. let's hope that my brilliance doesn't fuck it up somehow.

2:29 AM

my raging case of insomnia is frequently accompanied by a will to write and to rant about nothing of great importance. anyways. the last saturday of the summer was mostly spent at home, doing (also) nothing of great importance. is that anticlimactic or what? for some reason i always feel a need to equally split my time between that spent with others and that spent by myself. i do love my friends and family with all my heart though - don't get me wrong. i guess i'm just a bit of a loner by nature.

this is why i doubt i will ever get married.

back to the last of summer though. los angeles weather is clinging onto the last remnants of sun and heat with all her might, but i think it's about time for a new beginning.

introverted
aloof
snobby

just some words


yeah yeah yeahs last night did not disappoint. toes got completely smashed; punched myself in the face - or rather, my flailing arm was rammed into my nose by another sweaty body; nearly passed out due to dehydration and lack of oxygen. but i loved every bit of it. just about lost my mind when "black tongue" and "miles away" came on. as much as i love it's blitz, the new just does not even compare to the old stuff in terms of attitude and raw energy.

i desperately need a job. california's state budget has dire consequences for ucsb, but let's keep our fingers crossed for an opening somewhere...

in retrospect, who wears sandals into a mosh pit?

elite banana

meet my new obsession.

also, i finally overcame my fear of rats and watched ratatouille for the first time today, with my dad and sister. i am all cute-d out.

a list

to do between now and school:

1. venice beach
2. vivian girls at the smell, sept. 13th
3. yeah yeah yeahs at the fox theater, sept. 15th
   
4. watch taking woodstock, (500) days of summer, and paper heart - just checked online and thankfully the latter two are still in theaters
   
5. spend time with my dad
6. mini trip to orange county with elise ma
7. "in focus: making a scene" exhibition at the getty
8. anna sui for target
9. fish tacos

can't believe it is already time to leave, although i have yet to pack anything. i have been throwing all of my purchases - and there are quite a bit - into a pile in a corner all month... as a result there is now a very overwhelming heap waiting to be tackled.

thank you family for making august such a good month. i feel loved. will genuinely miss every one dearly.

roots

i moved to california two months after my sixth birthday. i am now nineteen. seeing that over two-thirds of my life was spent in los angeles (and that i barely remember the first third), it isn't really much of a surprise that i thoroughly identify myself as an american.

i often find myself watching other young people on subway trains and buses, wondering how different my life would be had i not moved. would i be into the same things as them? would i sound, dress, and act like them? there is no way to know the answers to these questions, but still i can't help but wonder.

with that said, my month here has led to a renewed appreciation of family. as much as i love my friends at home, it is an entirely different kind of "nice" to be surrounded by kin.

currently reading

i came to hong kong equipped with a collection of short stories by ernest hemingway, but have been temporarily sidetracked by steven levitt's freakonomics. saw it in a book fair here and promptly bought it after a few pages. difficult to give a good, quick summary because each chapter vary in topic, so here is an excerpt of publishing weekly's review:

Forget your image of an economist as a crusty professor worried about fluctuating interest rates: Levitt focuses his attention on more intimate real-world issues...There isn't really a grand theory of everything here, except perhaps the suggestion that self-styled experts have a vested interest in promoting conventional wisdom even when it's wrong... [deconstructing] everything from the organizational structure of drug-dealing gangs to baby-naming patterns. Underlying all these research subjects is a belief that complex phenomena can be understood if we find the right perspective.

it sounds a bit on the dull side, but it's such a fun read. not nearly as dense as it seems... in fact it's easy to read and very humorous at times. started it on the way to bangkok and i am already halfway through. highly recommended for the curious minded.

sawatdee

spent the great part of the past week in thailand. spent a good half day being utterly awestruck by the grandeur of buddhist temples. made some giraffe and elephant friends. (the tiger cub was less friendly.) weaved my way in and out of impossible bangkok traffic, in motorbike vehicles known as tuk-tuks. shopped my heart out, in swanky shopping centers and sweaty night bazaars alike. the heat was sweltering; most days we went out in the morning, retreated to the oasis that is our hotel and its swimming pool during the late afternoon, and then ventured out again near dinner time. amazing experience indeed.

on my way from airport to hotel on the first day, it suddenly occurred to me how remarkable the world is. it strikes me how cities - whether it be new york or bangkok - are simultaneously so different yet somehow much more alike than we usually think. for example the same concrete networks of congested highways dominate the landscape everywhere, but vast differences lie in the details. i'm exploring and learning about these differences and similarities city by city, bit by bit. i'm only getting started.

just saying

a professor once showed a documentary on dr. martin luther king and the civil rights movement of the 1960's. the general sentiment around the room was something along the lines of "those stupid, ignorant white southerners; thank god that's in the past." but discrimination, time and time again, has proven to be just as present today as it was ever - not as apparent for sure, but present nonetheless. people hold different prejudices against different peoples, but i find that being self-centered is almost always the reason cited. "those indians are selfish cheats." "jews only care about their own bank accounts." "the french are elitist pricks." "koreans are only selfless when around other koreans." maybe it would help if people would just realize that perhaps we are all self-centered as humans...

food for thought

quite a ways to go until the new school year, but i've been thinking of...

• trying out for the daily nexus (the ucsb newspaper). will keep a look out for the quarterly training sessions in fall.
• getting a part-time job, ideally for the arts library, arts & lectures or java jones?
  
• internship of some sort... sbma would be a dream.
  
• becoming an active member of a worthwhile club. i think definitely students for justice in palestine, possibly amnesty international or human rights group?
  
• getting straight a's all the way.
  
• further exploring political science and middle east studies as a major. possibly english? art history minor.

i don't expect everything to be as ideal as i plan, but i will try my best. :) speaking of food though, i have been overstuffing myself in hong kong. i cannot possibly overstate how good my grandmother's cooking is.

hong kong

screaming babies, no air, smelly cup noodles (i hate the smell), fourteen hours. equals zombie mode. landed in the humid midst of a typhoon. i've been here for exactly 24 hours now. adventures to come.

malaise

maybe it's just the fact that it's 4:40 am or my general lack of sleep this past week. maybe it's the ambivalence and anxiety that comes with traveling to a place you feel utterly foreign in. most likely it has to do with some recent events. i don't entirely know what it is, but i am in such a strange mood right now. malaise is a good word.

i've certainly had my fair share of mishaps and fuck ups. most days i am okay with that. other days i contemplate and honestly am not sure what to think about myself. i'm exploring in every sense of the word, which is fine with me - i would probably be doing myself an injustice if i wasn't - but i hope i'm heading in the right direction.

food diary #4

baked chicken with lemon juice, olive oil, and rosemary. with brown rice (cooked in chicken broth... ten times better than plain water) and steamed green beans. i got a huge sack of green beans, for like $5 from the farmer's market... so simple and so good! in retrospect though i would have liked to bake the chicken slightly more... i was worried that i would overcook the meat, but it would have looked a lot nicer if it was more brown. hm next time...

second attempt at quiche, except this time i went for a normal, fatty recipe. spinach, mushrooms, and onions with feta and cheddar cheese. pretty fucking heavenly, if i do say so myself.

yellow thai curry! who knew this was so easy to make? it's basically just coconut milk, vegetable broth, curry powder, and turmeric with your choice of veggies. now if only i could master pad thai as well! side note: please excuse the filthiness of our stove... my apartment is occupied by four college students hahah.

unfortunately my stay in this apartment ends this saturday, which ultimately means no more cooking for at least a little while. after these six weeks i can safely say that i now fully appreciate the act of cooking... food truly tastes better when you make it yourself. :)

summer living

haven't written anything substantial in awhile, mainly because there is nothing substantial to write about - i'm still in the best mood ever. most days i take leisurely walks to and from class (aside from the few occasions when i'm late), soaking up the full radiance and beauty of summertime. come back to my lovely apartment, prepare a meal or two, spend some time with my housemates, chill out to some music, read a bit. sometimes on the weekends i sleepover at my friends', where we chat and laugh about careless nothings into the wee hours of the morning. sundays i take the bus and do my grocery shopping. most simple lifestyle ever, but i adore everything about santa barbara.

food diary #3

you are most likely sick of seeing pictures of sandwiches, but they are a staple of my diet... this week it is tuna with olives and artichoke hearts. the day i tire of sandwiches is the day the world ends.

a continuation of my undying love for quiche. soy mozzarella cheese, soy milk, orange peppers, zucchinis, and yellow onions on a store-bought crust. my camera does not like to focus.

pizza bread, with tomatoes and more soy mozzarella piled on top. had my fair share of mishaps (five cups of flour instead of four resulted in the first dough going in the trash), but it came out quite tasty! thank you to my martha stewart roommate for teaching and helping me out. :)

food diary #2

this recipe is called "ten minute tasty asparagus and brown rice." admittedly, just mincing the garlic took me about ten minutes and i had some help from my roommate (i am a total pansy when it comes to sizzling hot oil), but this was still quite a departure, as it involves actual cooking. onions, chick peas, and asparagus on brown rice, with a mixture of tahini paste, olive oil, and lemon juice on top. really good, if i do say so myself.

the last recipe resulted in tons of leftover tahini, so i thought i would try this cookie recipe - all you have to do is mix tahini, honey, oats, and sunflower seeds together. easy enough. somehow it became a culinary catastrophe. in the honest words of a neighbor: "do you want me to throw them away for you?"

maybe i should just to stick to sandwiches. curried egg salad with pecans, granny smith apples, and onion on lettuce and whole wheat bread.

the highlight of my culinary career thus far. baked salmon with olive oil and lots of fresh dill, more asparagus from the farmer's market, and brown rice. this probably has more to do with luck than anything else, but everything was PERFECT. paper plate (my roommate's) because i am a poor college student with exactly one bowl and one set of utensils.

for breakfast i've graduated from cereal to oatmeal with honey, cinnamon, and raisins. also picked up some fresh strawberries and a pint of pomegranate and acai berri sorbet as a late night dessert. if you couldn't tell already, i am becoming quite the food addict...

snarky

i don't know what it means when one is genuinely amused by a college textbook/reader, but ninteenth-century art critics are funny:

"the academy contained the usual proportion of landscapes, and these landscapes contained the usual proportion of mild merit."

"a third is a head of a german professor, most grotesquely hideous in feature and physiognomy, looking a great deal, as to his complexion and eyeballs, as if he has just been cut down from an unpractical attempt to hang himself."

evidently, sugarcoating was not en vogue back then.

food diary #1

one of the most self-gratifying part of apartment living, personally anyways, is cooking! i am a little embarrassed to say that it took me nineteen years to finally get a chance to prepare my own food, but this really is new to me. thought i would document the things i make, over the duration of this summer session. here is the first of hopefully many more to come:

this morning i went to the camino real farmer's market in goleta, where i was met with rows and rows of delightfully colorful fruits and veggies. why eat over-processed junk when you can have organic? they are there every sunday; i fully intend on making this a weekly ritual.

i am getting really good at making sandwiches. hummus, tomatoes, vegan mozzarella cheese, broccoli sprouts (which i find to be slightly stronger than alfalfa, but they are quite tasty), and hass avocados on top of whole wheat bread.

actually this has been my dinner for nearly a week now... simple cobb salad: romaine lettuce, cherry tomatoes, more hass avocados, and grilled chicken breast. i cheated and bought the kind that comes pre-grilled and pre-sliced. have yet to venture into raw poultry and fish.

also bought a huge can of tahini, which is a type of middle eastern sesame paste, today. never tried that before, should be interesting...